“The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still
If the thunder don’t get you then the lightning will“

~Robert Hunter

Congratulations to Sokukai & Ryūdo, turning the dharma wheel!

I was thinking about what it means to practice this Way. There are so many teachers and teachings, so many schools of Buddhist practice and ideas about what to study, how to study and what the interpretation of the teachings might mean.

Without a doubt, it is beneficial to read and study Buddhist thought and look into the myriad opinions and teachings of awakened masters in various traditions of Buddhism.

There is something that seems most important to me. Like many who come to the dharma, my initial practice was sparked by a desire to become a more peaceful, kinder, mindful person, to understand how to fix the discomfort of living, to unlock the deeper mysteries of what it means to be in this world, and to somehow find a Way to have it all make sense. I quickly learned that as the more I studied, the more I practiced there arose a much bigger question than I had imagined at the outset. As time went on my questions and intent to practice changed. As I began to open-up the experiences I was having, as the teachings from Roshi and from study began to ferment, I began to understand that my initial goal oriented outlook was wrong view. The harder I tried, the further away I felt from the answers I sought. More than once I felt it to be futile. I felt like I wanted to quit. Once I did quit out of hubris. I missed my friends and the zazen experience so much. Zenho held up the mirror of steadfast unconditional love and I began to realize what I was doing more clearly. I’d seen the revolving door spin frequently at the zendo and gradually recommitted my efforts to return to my path. I did not want to run from the challenge-of-being-challenged. I was being asked to go deeply into the question by my teachers and the teachings. It didn’t feel comfortable or easy a lot of the time.

And the question did change, the question became; What is it to Be?

Like a koan, the more effort I exerted, the more trapped I became. But I felt that it was the correct question. It felt real. At one point Jokai gave me koan: “I don’t expect anything anymore, I just come and sit.” It seemed like a waste of time. If there’s nothing to expect then there’s no possible progress. And finally it dawned on me that Jokai is correct in his view; actually there is nothing to expect. What it is, is just this. Just to Be. But how?

Feeling. I began to feel the texture of my life as I allowed this teaching on no-expectation to sink into my living, which is my practice. No separation. I became aware of feeling the softness and openness, the feeling of scraping and bumping-up, the feeling of claustrophobia, the feeling of ease and comfort, the feeling of naturalness in being at home in my skin and the feeling of irritation of the same. The experience grew from a realization that the feelings that arise in me are the primary experience of the dharma, the Being. These feelings are the actual experience of what it is to Be before the ego-mind builds “the story of Me” about the feeling.

I’m probably not more mindful, more peaceful, kinder or more comfortable. That goal seems like doesn’t matter so much. It’s so much more numinous to get what the feeling brings than it is to understand the thought about it. That is what “Hands on the Wheel, Eyes on the Road” really means.

I am awake to the being of feeling.

And I know it.

~Issan

SCHEDULE MARCH 26- APRIL 1

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID KEKANSAN OPENING

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM

Drag your body to the Zendo, or Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO 
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE  DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

Deep Peace & Great Love,

Issan & Zenho

This coming weekend we’re going to celebrate the Jukai Ceremony for Michael Stoffel and Madison McClintock. Friends, family and children are all welcome.

The ceremony is at 8:30 Saturday, March 25 at the Tea House. Please be 15 minutes early.

Jukai is a somewhat more formal welcoming into our Buddhist community of these dear friends that we’ve known for a while now. This weekend is an opportunity to embody our commitment to one another by supporting Michael, Madison, and each one of us by our coming together as one, the true meaning of sangha. Please make every effort to prioritize your presence at the Tea House as a gift to our Jukai recipients and the sangha and as a manifestation of our solidarity.

Receiving Jukai is joining the Buddha family. It is an acknowledgement that we are buddhas. This is something that unfolds through out our whole lives in our practice and living moments as ever deeper realizations. Jukai expresses the commitment and intention of the student to become a disciple of the teachings and a disciple of the teachers in a most serious manner. It makes clear this precious being is making a significant outward commitment to the practices, the sangha, their teacher and themselves. This person is now joining the whole ancient lineage, the actual heart-to-heart direct and unbroken line of transmission of the teachings back to Sujata and Gautama Buddhas. The blood and marrow of the Buddhas is clearly acknowledged to be that of the one taking Jukai.

The commitment the students both inwardly and outwardly make is to uphold the Three Treasures; the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Also to embody the the Three Pure Precepts as Dogen describes them: “To not commit evil; this is the abiding place of laws and rules of all buddhas, this is the very source of laws and rules of all buddhas. To do good: This is the dharma of Sammak-sam-bodhi; this is the Way of all beings. To do good for others; This is to transcend the profane and to be beyond the holy; this is to liberate oneself and others.”

The rakusu, representing the patchwork robe of the buddha, sealed and inscribed by the teachers along with the Great Sila (lineage chart) now containing the student’s new dharma name is presented. The Verse of the Kesa becomes an internalized sacred vow, recited and renewed each time the rakusu is worn. The vows blossom in the heart of each one of us:

Vast is the robe of liberation.

A formless field of benefaction

I am the Tathagata’s teaching.

Intimate with all Being.

This weekend’s Jukai Ceremony is an opportunity to be in solidarity with the principal of No Separation, to be one with the vows you have already taken or may be about to take, to show your love, support and commitment to Michael and Madison, the Sangha and teachers and revisit and renew your own Buddhist path; in short to be present.

~ Issan

SCHEDULE MARCH 19-26

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID KEKANSAN OPENING

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM

Drag your body to the Zendo, or Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO 
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE  DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

SATURDAY, 8:30AM, JUKAI CEREMONY, AT THE TEA HOUSE

POTLUCK AT ISSAN’S HOUSE AFTERWARD.

10601 CALLE LINDA, CORRALES, NM 87048

Deep peace & Great Love,

Issan and Zenho

Happy Birthday Molly Myoka. Wishing you a GREAT year!!!

I give to Molly Myoka, and the entire Sangha, Transmission 42, in The Record of Transmitting the Light, or in Living Buddha Zen, if you prefer. Kuan-Chih to Yuan-Kuan (Tongan Guanzhi to Liangshan Yuanguan). Please read it.

I have a Zoom meeting 2^nd and 4^th Sundays. With a few friends who practice with their dreams. It started out as a group of perhaps 50. Has dwindled to 4 or 5 regulars. This morning, someone was talking about a dream in which she was in a large pyramid-like building and she was being told to go to a room where something very important about “sound” would be investigated. Something also about “echoes.” Hearing “sound,” I remembered something that I had read by Chögyam Trungpa just a few days ago (what Chögyam Trungpa had said, transferred to me in written form, had really resonated with me). I realized that I was searching for something in what Trungpa had said to overlay onto this person’s story. Onto this person. Validating, by adding some kind of gloss, to what my mind wanted to make a boring, simple, mundane, story. This urge to validate – such violence. I pulled back from my memory search. My “echo” search. Returned to the immediacy of the moment. And was engulfed by, soaked in, sung by, deeper layers. Deeper sound. Deeper person. Deeper relationship. Deeper feeling. Feeling. New universe. 

Emptiness < —- > < —- > Potency.  This new universe rushing in upon us unfiltered and unopposed.

As a Sangha, we have recently been exploring our financial support of our very own Sangha. We have been acknowledging the years of support given by Scott and Michelle. Travis Ensei/Ensai and I (Zenho) spoke with Scott on this subject. And he offered to write something for the Blog. 

From Scott’s Big Heart:

March 5, 2023

Dear Sangha,

It has come to my attention that Sangha members want to make a donation in order to contribute to the monthly expenses for the use of the zendo space. I would like to give my perspective on this possibility.

Over 15 years ago, Jitsudo Roshi decided that he wanted to build a place where he could practice and teach Zen to his growing number of students. His vision was to build a small structure in the place of an existing storage room. Jitsudo Roshi then proceeded to build our small meditation room according to his inspiration. He physically built the structure by himself with little outside help. It was a labor of love for him. I consider it to be an ongoing gift from him to his students. Thankfully, some of his ashes reside in our meditation space and thus there is a sense that he is still with us in spirit.

Jitsudo Roshi never had much money…he would have been happy to have money, but during his life, he didn’t emphasize this aspect and thus, not much came his way and he was ok with that. His passion was teaching and that is what he did until the day he died. Thankfully, our sangha has this same spirit as there is little emphasis on things financial. The nominal monthly expenses for utilities and general upkeep are my way of keeping Jitsudo Roshi’s gift alive for our Sangha, thus there is no need for Sangha members to begin contributing for this purpose.

However, there are other expenses which are real and important. Our Sangha is fortunate to have two amazing teachers, Zenho Sensei and Issan Sensei. Zenho has donated his time since Jitsudo passed away as well as the several years prior to Jitsudo’s passing. Issan has been more and more involved since Jitsudo’s passing.

It is customary for a Sangha to provide support for its teachers. I propose that we have a serious discussion pertaining to how much compensation that we should provide, then as a Sangha decide how that compensation will be distributed (perhaps a monthly payment). My sense is that each member can afford different amounts so there should not be a set amount. Basically, pay what you can, but keep in mind that we are receiving much benefit from our teachers and that there should be a corresponding amount of compensation. I look forward to receiving your input and continuing this conversation.

Sincerely, Scott

////////////////////////////////////////

Suns immense fire.

Earths immense water.

Somewhere between

Earth 

and

Air

Clouds

Rain

Upon

Sandia

                        Zenho

SCHEDULE 2/26- 3/4

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID KEKANSAN OPENING

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM

Drag your body to the Zendo, or Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO 
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE  DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

8 DEEP BOWS

Zenho and Issan

Emptiness<—- >    <—- >Potency

Knock Knock Alive or Dead. I won’t say. I won’t say. I just don’t want to steal your opportunity to discover. 

My tea is delicious, thank you.

In the Tibetan tradition, there is teaching about Hinayana, Mahayana, Vajrayana.

In our tradition, there is teaching about Hinayana, Mahayana, Chan/Zen.

These vehicles are reflected in our own lives, our very own relationships.

In Hinayana, we begin to learn how to concentrate, to not be carried away by our perceptions, our six senses. We begin to appreciate that our senses, connecting us with the “outside” world, also shape and create that outside world. This is essential to the process of enlightenment unfolding.

In Mahayana, we begin to work with our very own bodies, appreciating how our six senses interpenetrate our bodies. Following the senses back into our own bodies, appreciating the emptiness that is. This is essential to the process of enlightenment unfolding.

Vajrayana and Chan/Zen. Tibetan teachers are forthright in teaching that Vajrayana is concerned with our emotions, our psychological being, which interpenetrates our senses and our bodies. The emotion and psychology that erupts in our relationships. Chan/Zen doesn’t come right out to say this, preferring to allow the personal discovery of this realm. “Alive or Dead” – what is the emotion that fuels this question? “I can’t stand this arguing. Unless you say something to calm me, I am going to kill this cat” – what is the emotion that fuels these activities? Koan after koan. What are you feeling in this moment? Do you really know? If not, why not? This is essential to the process of enlightenment unfolding.

Koan after koan present people in relationship. Dream after dream present me/you in relationship. Present the emotion, the psychology, that emerges from and within these relationships. Whether in dream or ordinary waking life, koan are about the nitty gritty of relationship. Seeing and feeling more directly and more clearly within relationship. A pebble strikes a bamboo “Thwock” and there is a sudden opening of …. Gutei cuts off a finger, and there is a sudden opening of… 

We are fortunate to have been given the Dream-Koan practice. Dream-koan is fine and dandy as an individual practice with the teacher. And…

Dream koan practice really comes alive, really sings, really dances, really cries, really laughs, really sobs, REALLY opens as a Sangha practice. Bringing the vulnerability of our dreams into the Sangha nourishes the relationships that heal us all. 

It’s my opinion that Dream Koan, especially Sangha Dream Koan. is central to Chan/Zen, To engage in Sangha Dream Koan is the heart of the matter, and will accelerate the unfolding of enlightenment. Do you really want your enlightenment experiences to be confined to the solitude of a cave? Come on out and play. Come on out and tussle. Join…Join

Make the effort to engage in Sangha Dream Koan as core practice! Don’t find excuses. Preferably drag your body to the Zendo. If you live at a distance, come on Zoom. 

How do you feel now? Share yourself and your Dream with us. 

I’m smiling.

8 Deep Bows

Zenho (auteur) and Issan

Emptiness< —- >. < —- > Potency

A POEM

The mists of Avalon

And Emei

Are not different 

From these vapors

Coursing within

My bones and marrow.

HAH

Only my shout

Empties lake

And flattens mountain

Hah

Anger or Joy

Or grief

I won’t tell

//////////

Only the loon

Directly absorbing

My shout

Can tell

Zenho

SCHEDULE 3/5 – 3/12

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID OPENING

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE, (Zenho away, no Zoom)

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE, (Zenho away, no Zoom)

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE  DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

we have been prayed for

under ancient night skies

around dinner tables

upon the sun as it rose again

generations and 

generations of 

prayers upon

prayers 

and now we 

too 

take our place

amongst this

infinite 

chant

~noah s. 

“Don’t waste your mind on nursery rhymes,

fairy tales of blood and wine,

it’s turtles all the way down the line.”

~Sturgill Simpson

As a Buddhist, I don’t believe in prayer.

So I don’t pray.

Not really.

I don’t worship or “believe-in” a supreme being, a godhead, a goddess-head, Santa or the easter bunny, or turtles all the way down the line.

It feels like a cop-out to me.

I am what you may call “apatheistic”. I simply don’t care. Don’t have the conversation about it with myself or others.

Buddhist teaching says that it does not matter if there is or isn’t a supreme god-ish-thingy out there.

Buddha, as far as I know, refused to address the existence of a god.

It’s my behavior that matters. It’s up to me alone, I should behave well, compassionately, mindfully regardless of the the existence or non-existence of a god-figure.

All my responsibility.

Before I realized this Buddhist teaching I spent decades praying for myself and others, for stuff and desired outcomes, all out of fear. Fear of facing reality. Fear of taking responsibility.

Mind games.

We’ve learned that the actions of a bodhisattva are without hope, without self, without other. They are actions just as they are. No eternal reward, no karmic debit paid, no merit.

Just as they are.

This is a difficult call. If nothing is to be gained then why bother?

I suppose that we bother because we have, through meditation, experienced a sense of actual being within ourselves, without the self-centered chatter and ego inflation of a busy mind. And just a glimpse of that seems to be enough to change our minds about our motivation and who is actually responsible for our actions.

We begin to see “things as it is“, so says Maezumi Roshi.

This is all easy to understand, but it’s really hard to do everyday, all the time, in each and all of the frustrating, maddening, boring, aggravating common daily situations.

But we have an awareness of it, an intention to try. (Is this a bodhisattva vow?)

Is intention the same as prayer?

I don’t think intention is the same as prayer. Prayer is petitioning, it transfers responsibility to something outside ourselves. Responsibility for our actions is 100% our trip alone.

I say “I don’t pray. Not really.” What I do is outwardly express my intentions, my aspirations. My intentions and aspirations may manifest as actions, ceremony, service or acts involving others.

When I sit zazen, chant, recite a sadhana, or a sutra, or perform a ritual, I don’t consider it prayer. I experience it as an expression of my inner being engaged in the action of aspiring, embodying, expressing, intending and being.

Aspirations and intentions can serve as guideposts for my actions.

It’s not going out there to someone or something.

It’s in here.

It’s the myriad expressions of the magical illusion of the dharma worlds.

If somewhere out there a godhead, a goddess-head, Santa, the easter bunny, or turtles hear it…cool.

I don’t care.

~issan

SCHEDULE 2/26- 3/4

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, BRING YOUR OWN KEY AND OPEN

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO 
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE  DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

Deep Peace and Great Love,

Issan & Zenho

The poems which were sent yesterday do not read well as they were formatted by WordPress. I’m trying to reformat and send them out more cleanly. I thank you for your indulgence

“I had dreams in Technicolor of the vast cosmos as if I were looking through the James Webb space telescope as dream consciousness was exploring your question and wrote this down:

That which is

never really was

That which was

never will be

Nothing in between

No here

or now

Just this”. Issan

A moment,

careless in one direction,

precise in every

other facet,

cuts a finger,

No

cuts my this finger.

Eyes wide,

sucking in bright red tang,

forge a sword

and a green meadow

as I tumble

Down

wide chip-strewn boulevards – Zenho

8 Deep Bows,

Issan and Zenho

Siddartha Gautama is said to have been born from Mayadevi’s side. He then took seven steps towards the North, a lotus flower appearing to support, or commemorate, each step. It is said that he then pointed one hand towards the heavens and the other hand towards the earth and proclaimed “Heaven above Heaven below, I alone am the world-honored one.”

The second picture above is a “chip” of pottery. Its origin story is unknown by me. And I know that it is a prized possession of Issan’s.

Are these pictures the same or different? If you say different, I give you 20 “chips” of pottery. If you say same, I will take away 20 Buddha birth stories. If you say both same and different, I will greet you laughing at the fish market. If you say neither same nor different, I will bid you farewell at your funeral.

Recently, I asked of the connection from emptiness into potency. These pictures, these scenes. What about these pictures, these scenes? These pictures, these scenes.

Today, I ask “Buddha took seven steps. What about the 8th step?” “And what does the 8th step have to do with emptiness and potency?” “This potter’s chip? One chip, seven chips?Emptiness? Potency?”

“I had dreams in Technicolor of the vast cosmos as if I were looking through the James Webb space telescope as dream consciousness was exploring your question and wrote this down: That which is never really was That which was never will be Nothing in between No here or now Just this”. Issan

SCHEDULE 2/19- 2/26

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, BRING YOUR OWN KEY AND OPEN

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO 
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE 

DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

A moment, careless in one direction, precise in every other facet, cuts a finger, No cuts my this finger. Eyes wide, sucking in bright red tang, forge a sword and a green meadow as I tumble Down wide chip-strewn boulevards – Zenho

8 Deep Bows,

Issan and Zenho

Here is the Zoom link for Wedensday

thomas whalen is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Tokudo meeting
Time: Feb 15, 2023 07:00 PM Mountain Time (US and Canada)

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84068398078?pwd=V2JHelk4VzJBM2crZkgzUndIYTJpZz09

Meeting ID: 840 6839 8078
Passcode: 841732

“From the lying mirror to the movement of stars
Everybody’s looking for who they are
Those who know don’t have the words to tell
And the ones with the words don’t know too well”

~Bruce Cockburn

the real-true-fact is that there is no answer. so here it is:

.authenticity

.potency

.emptiness

.issan-gee says: authenticity is potency, potency is authenticity. emptiness is the heart knowing no separation; what could be more authentic? what could be more potent?

.authenticity-potency is a symptom of the realization of emptiness. the potency in that transformative realization is the most powerful nascent energy ever unimaginable.

.do you experience the inability to grasp where you are at any given moment?

.don’t know too well.

.without effort of any kind the immensity actualizes, vast, inconceivable and mysterious.

Here is a jewel from Mugen’s Tokudo reflections:

Tokudo: 2 Tokudo 2 Furious: Tokudo in the City

I’m writing some of this as I watch The Relic, a movie from the 90s in which an anthropologist is transformed into a horrific monster by way of his research and subsequently terrorizes a museum full of people in Chicago.  It’s not very good, but I like monster movies and it has Tom Sizemore. The moral of this tale, if we’re so generous as to say this film is a cautionary morality tale, is that the search for knowledge is treacherous for both the searcher and those around them and often yields unpredictable results. 

I’m finding my own misguided search for knowledge to be fraught as well.  As I continue to sit with what’s coming up during meditation and dreams, I’m finding the fear and loneliness I’ve written about in the past giving way sometimes to a feeling of deep hurt. As in the past, I want to pin the hurt to something, maybe something from when I was a kid, maybe something to do with my family, who knows.  But in a recent dream I was given peyote and told to walk on a desert path under the night sky, it was a path lined with desert plants and it led into a black void. I’ve often found great comfort in embodying this void in dream group and Zenho’s exercise of “going to sleep,” finding it boundless and containing all things, including my struggles. But I turn away from the void in the dream, back to something familiar and safe.  On my return, I find myself laying on the desert floor completely covered with snakes that are like a blanket. I’m aware of what it feels like to lie on the earth and the snakes are comforting, the feeling of the earth on my skin is firm and real, and this is new for me in dreams. I’m more familiar with dreams of swimming underwater and the feeling of freedom and vastness it often offers. 

So I have been staying with the snakes lately, touching the earth. Staying with that feeling and the snakes, that deep hurt has emerged a couple times and also something new. An awareness that I look outward to other people and also to having answers to be with this hurt and soothe it.  But often people can’t be with my hurt and sometimes aren’t willing to be, I myself can’t be with it and am not willing at times.  And this is an unfair demand maybe, to expect someone to be with my hurt or their own, as much as I am attached to the idea that these are the kinds of experiences that bind us together more closely in common humanity. Other people have their own shit to deal with, things they’re aware of and things they can’t even see, lurking in the blindspots we all have.  And as for having answers and the search for knowledge…that has not ever served me well and it continues to serve me poorly, even as I try harder to collect and store answers.  The intellectual answers I arrive at, I’m finding more and more often that they’re meaningless in and of themselves. They’re hollow shells on which I can build a mighty tower of ideas I invest value in. It’s a tower where I feel safe but am agonizingly distant from just being with the snakes and the earth.  I’m aware that I came even to Zen and later to Zenho to fix this hurt and find answers and solutions, even though I had little or no awareness of the hurt being there at the time.  The hurt feels related to the loneliness and anger I’ve written about in the past, maybe underneath it, maybe running alongside it, maybe woven together. 

That is where I’m at now. As these things arise, I’m immensely grateful that I have you all and the sangha is a place that encourages these expressions and conversations. I love you all. 

SCHEDULE 2/12- 2/18

MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID OPENING

MONDAY, 7PM, DREAM KOAN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182899201?pwd=UVU4MnJhMG1ZUGJaOHhaSndwQ2dYQT09

TUESDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM, WITH ZENHO. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86265616603?pwd=WHZEQWNDQnZPS1VicDl6VVlEdmxFZz09

WEDNESDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE OR ZOOM WITH ZENHO
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89605039197?pwd=VTVubW5pUnBCNFBqQjBieERvNDd5QT09

THURSDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE WITH ISSAN 
DOKUSAN WITH ISSAN SENSEI

FRIDAY, 6:30AM: ZAZEN & SERVICE WITH ZENHO AT THE TEAHOUSE 

DOKUSAN WITH ZENHO SENSEI

SAVE THE DATE: MARCH 18

~JUKAI DAY~

At the Tea House, 8:30 AM

FAMILY AND FRIENDS WELCOME!

POTLUCK TO FOLLOW AT ISSAN’S HOUSE

deep peace & great love,

Zenho & issan-don’t-know-too-well-Gee (auteur)

a poem from Zenho:

The Sun has just gone

down

The earth has just gone up

Either way

I take off these tight

sunglasses

a poem from Noah:

Forging a process

A knife in a

Furnace

Waiting in faith for

More faith 

I am I am 

I am 

I say to myself 

And sometimes I 

Land in that beautiful groove for a 

Moment 

Glass bejewel

House shatter

Hundred eight

Kalpa fire

Reclaim ring

Of power

Waiting………why

O

~Zenho