I started feeling into this post a few days ago. I had some great things to write yesterday and did not get around to the writing. We should all be thankful.
Question: Why did you come to Zen practice, or any spiritual practice for that matter? I would bet that for most of you, the reasons were similar to the reasons that I came to Zen practice. Something was wrong in my life. I felt suffering within my own body. I saw suffering all around me. It hurt and wasn’t fair and I wanted to change this. Past tense does not capture this. Future tense does not capture this. Present tense does not capture this. I want a way to fix these problems. I wanted POTENCY. Some call it authenticity when I believe that they are actually referring to potency.
Potency. Do we need to add a fifth Noble Truth? This is not rhetorical!
Our nirmanakaya Universe is potency. Energy/matter coalescing and blowing asunder and giving life and taking away life. Having emerged from……. …… This That but what is in between?
I had read Zen stories about masters and sages who seemed completely free and non-plussed. Able to act in ways that seemed to exactly meet the moment. Have an effect upon their students lives. Changing them. Potency. I wanted to be like them. Get me some of that potency and then I’ll show you some changes changing.
HaHa I sometimes think Trungpa Rinpoche had a picture of me on his altar when he wrote Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism.
These sages all made mention of emptiness as the wellspring of their potency. Emptiness is therefore something that draws our attention. As a spiritual materialist, how do I approach emptiness? How am I going to get a handle on this to get me some potency? Do I sit shikantaza? Do I practice koans? Do I perform liturgical service? Do I perform 10,000 prostrations? Is there a common thread amongst these practices?
I will start the ball rolling by asserting that emptiness is not the same as dharmakaya. Although dharmakaya is not excluded. It is not a feeling of oneness, nor interconnectedness. Although oneness and interconnectedness are not excluded.
Emptiness is calling for my attention. For your attention.
Is there a relationship between potency and emptiness? Is there a common thread through our Zen practices? I have found that there is a direct throughline emptiness—–potency—–emptiness——practice——-potency——emptiness . I will not tell you what it is, because you will not like what you hear. Truly, you will fight against it. It is better that you discover for yourself. Then we will be hearing the same thing, sharing the one taste, sharing impossible to share.
Dobby hurtles headlong after rabbit into
Dried spiky remnants of last summer’s exuberant greening
Now dessicate perfect home for rabbit mouse weasel
Returning with left front paw held six inches above everything
Except my searching fingers
Thorn plucked, he lunges once again into this unknown
Hours later grinning at the door guarding clean rugs
With mud caked paws and cries in protest
At the warm bath for his moon dancing feet
8 Deep Bows
Zenho (auteur) & Issan
See if Mugen Milazzo is pointing in the same direction in his writing below.
Tokudo Continues
I’ve been stalling in writing about tokudo, waiting for something concrete to fall out of feelings of loneliness and fear that have been arising lately. I had a dream that I brought to the dream group recently that evoked those feelings strongly. In the dream, my dog leapt from the cliff of a mountain into a body of water below, leaving me to look over the edge with deep feelings of sorrow, fear, and lingering loneliness, and anxiety too over what was to be done. I was supported in this dream by a second dog I held in my arms. The dog who went over the cliff swam around in the water below, asking me to follow.
Sitting with these feelings of loneliness and fear, I’ve wanted to pin them in place and try to know them by fully ascribing them to something. I’ve found that I’m heavily invested and attached to the belief that to be alone without anyone to share my life with would be invalidating to my identity and would be a crisis for me. It’s painful to be with the knot I feel when I sit with these feelings and this idea, I feel desperate to avoid it and not look at it, but I’m also feeling some relief in seeing this belief laid out in front of me for the first time. Dare I say catching a glimpse of its emptiness? I can see how my feelings of fear and loneliness have led me to act meanly and stingily so that I’m actively working to manifest being alone, an irony in which I’m also finding a lot of humor.
I’ve been bearing down on these feelings and allowing them no chance to get air or see the light of day, but I’m hopeful that will change with the help of the sangha and dream practice in particular. I have really come to love and cherish the dream group. I appreciate all of you in the sangha and your support, this practice is invaluable to me and I hope I honor it in my life.
I read Dune when I was about 10 and I didn’t understand any of it, but I loved it and I’ve read it numerous times since. One of the lines from that book came up a few times this past week, “Proper teaching is recognized with ease. You can know it without fail because it awakens within you that sensation which tells you this is something you have always known.” I don’t know what “proper” means for anyone else, but for me right here and right now, it feels proper to go over the edge of the cliff to explore these things and stay with them; I always knew that too, but didn’t want to look at them.
Russell Mugen Milazzo
Noah’s Poem of the week
The streetlamp
lands delicately on my bed in the evening
and I wait once again for
deliverance into the particularities of my life
into the texture of my lips
as they sing on my balcony
into my hand
as it holds the vacuum that cleans my rug
what would exhaustion feel like
if I too loved
its particular breath
as the weekend prepared to rest
Noah Seltzer
SCHEDULE 1/29/2023 – 2/5/2023
MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE, KEKANSAN OPENING
“Calvin: I wonder why people are never content with what they have?
Hobbes: Are you kidding? Your fingernails are a joke, you’ve got no fangs, you can’t see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are nil, and you don’t even have tails! Of course people aren’t content!
Calvin: Forget I said anything
Hobbes: Now if TIGERS weren’t content, that would be something to wonder about.” Bill Waterson 2-21-1995
Every Time
My first rodeo
Dark barrel,
Sweat infused,
Stained with decades
Of greasepaint
Perfect size for
This contented tiger
Erupting immediately
When needed
Face-to-face
Wild bull
Nature crushing
Weeds and timers
And cushions
That don’t fit
My tail anyway
8 Deep Bows,
Zenho (auteur) & Issan
SCHEDULE 1/22/2023 – 1/28/2023
MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT THE TEA HOUSE, KEKANSAN OPENING
Yesterday, Zenho shared a profound teaching, informed by a powerful realization on attachment.
Following is Zenho’s writing:
ATTACHMENT
As some of you are aware, we (issan and Zenho) have been playing with changing The Four Boddhisattva Vows: “Sentient beings are numberless…” The one that we have ;had great difficulty with is the second vow. It was presented to us, handed down from ZCLA, as “Desires are inexhaustible, I vow to put an end to them.” We have offered such variations as “Desires are inexhaustible, I vow to explore them,” and most recently “Desires are inexhaustible, I vow to be free from attachment.”
Attachment. ATTACHMENTS. Does this carry a negative, dirty flavor for you. I not only have this desire, which is somehow impure. Now I have this attachment to the desire. A double dose of dirty. Bless me Father for I have sinned. “Mea culpa, Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.” No matter how many culpa kalpas, it still seems to be there. What is wrong with me? For surely, I am somehow at fault here.
I had the following experience today:
I was engaged in signing and stamping some lineage charts. “The Seal of the True Dharma Eye.” Candles and incense. Roshi beside me, as always. I was carrying the photo image that Diana had shared with me of one of Roshi’s hand-written cards: “Don’t Look for it. It finds You”
I had completed two charts and stopped to join my friend Fabrice. Fabrice is in Cabo, so we meet on Zoom. We chatted amiably, and then entered Zazen for 30 minutes.
Early in Zazen, clear emptiness pervasive. A thought arose. The thought was of a girlfriend I had when I was 20. I have always regretted how our relationship ended. There is usually a long story attached to this memory.
The thought arose. And to my amazement…no story. No attachment to the thought. Just the next moment. Clear and bright and FULL of energy. Wide awakeness. Just clear bright awake energy.
There is also awareness of several other dimensions. This ATTACHMENT is not something that I have/had created. It is a Being, not much different from the Time-Being experienced by Dogen. ATACHMENT-BEING. The attachment-being was gone. I had not created it. And I had not caused its disappearance. And it is definitely gone.
ATTACHMENT-BEING, as small as mote of dust or as large as a Buddha-Field Universe.
ATTACHMENT-BEING as Anger-Beings. As Greed-Beings. As Ignorance-Beings.
ATTACHMENT-BEING as an energy vampire, carrying us and our energy down memory rabbit holes, draining our energy for the moment along with it. Into old stories. The Akashic records require so much energy to maintain as memory.
Freed of the ATTACHMENT-BEING, each moment vividly energetic, energy filled to the brim. Vibrancy meeting each moment directly. No possibility of dozing off.
Moment-by-moment complete.
We have several teaching methods that we emphasize.
Within zazen, we encourage “Go to sleep.” This is not an encouragement to doze off. It is a reminder in the moment to drop all effort and rest in naturalness. It is funny – everyone seems to know just what we mean without explanation. Just go to sleep. And It finds You.
Dream-Koan practice reveals, from deep within the non-conceptual unconscious, the warp and woof of our Attachment-Beings. Attachment-Beings draining our energy, creating deluded perception, creating Anger-Beings and Greed-Beings and Ignorance-Beings. Our dreams also filled with Buddha-Beings creating the space between the attachment-Beings wherein we can once again rest in naturalness.
Attachment-Beings. Zenho was talking with a friend the other day. He was suddenly aware of the movie Good Will Hunting. More particularly, the scene in the movie when Robin Williams and Matt Damon have the following exchange: “It’s not your fault.” “Yeah, I know.” “No! Really! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.”
Here what comes up for me when sitting with Zenho’s teaching:
Attachments are being, the essential life experience, the “all-encompassing”. They are not separate from the the burgeoning forth of all things of themselves. Attachments arise and release without any “doing” on our parts. Because really, there is no doer.
Releasing self-judgement and criticism is the action of realizing. Attachment arises in and of itself, and is without stain or flaw. The pain of self-inditement arises because the ego-indulgence of investigating these thoughts, resulting in clinging to them and so begins the cycle of attempting to apply effort to release the attachment. Clearly, erroneous mental gymnastics.
Zenho’s transformative realization as non-doing in “the creation of” or “the cause of” or the “release of” the attachment and his realization of the state of “attachment-being” is a liberating teaching. Through this the “I” dissolves when we realize attachment as it actually is; a state of being. There is naturalness of mind along with an ease and comfort in surrendering the ego. In doing so the immensity of All This floods in bringing with it freedom from striving and the release of energy Zenho describes.
Chan Master Xinzhou E’hu Dayi ( a practitioner in our lineage). Emperor Xianzong (r.806-821) once called for a debate to take place at the Linde Temple in the Palace. A Dharma Master asked, ‘What are the Four Truths?’ The master [Dayi] replied, ‘There is only one “Di” so where would the other three be?’
Happy New Year
I went to David’s art exhibit opening. Great to see the vulnerability leaping out of the creations on display. I especially liked a photo of giraffes head and neck emerging from ethereal diaphanous cloth. Io as a central piece in a Capella musical offering, drawing me in to share my own vulnerability in song. AHHHHH. Ehhhhhh.OoOoOoOo. Claire and Luke engaged in dialogue, like some Dadaist salon revisited, screaming “We ae talking. Engage! Engage!”
I was listening to a podcast toady. Glenn Loury interviewing Michael Sandel, the author of “Tyranny of Merit: What’s Become of the Common Good?” They talked about the divide growing within our country, the haves and have-nots, the financially “successful” and the financially “unsuccessful,” the “educated” and the “un-educated,” the superior and the inferior. They recognized that there will always be the 10,000 differences amongst people. And that the hubris of the successful is destroying our community. The “successful” feel that they deserve their privilege, while the “un-successful” deserve their misery. Imagine a Sequoia looking down upon the fungal rhizomes interpenetrating its roots and feeling “superior.”
What has this to do with our Zen practice?
Chan master Mingzhi of Boyan in Ding Zhou (Hebei) (a practitioner in our lineage) once saw the Venerable Yueshan reading a sutra, so he said to him, ‘Venerable monk, do not let people prostitute themselves for the good.’ Yueshan put the sutra down and said, ‘What time is it?’ ‘Just about noon,’ was the reply. ‘There still seems to be some cultural variety here,’ said Yueshan. ‘This fellow has nothing either,’ said the master. ‘Elder Brother is good and intelligent,’ said Yueshan. ‘This fellow is just so, how about the venerable sir?’ asked the master. ‘Crippled, with a hundred infirmities and a thousand shortcomings, so the time passes,’ said Yueshan.
Nice words. Nice words. How does this relate to our Zen practice?
Yes. Yes. That and that too. Are you off in your heads thinking? That’s OK. And won’t last forever. What are you feeling?
How does this shed light upon our Zen practice right now?
We have recently begun the processes of Jukai and Tokudo for most of our Sangha. In most Zen centers, you don’t get to practice with the zagu until you become the head monk in an Ango (90 day retreat). Issan and I, crippled, with a hundred infirmities and a thousand shortcomings, are sharing everything that we have been given with anyone and everyone who attends. Opening our mouths and spilling our guts to reveal our raw hearts. This feels right for me. There is no superior or inferior. It is each individual dancing the dance FOR the Sangha. How would we ever dance without being allowed to feel the music in our bodies. Issan and I will support you. Even when we cut the rug out from under us. As you support us by jumping in. Jumping in with your vulnerable hearts, a la David and Io and Claire and Luke. This vulnerability is the very process of creation, emergence from emptiness, that is Tokudo and Jukai.
I had a dream last night: I’m at a gathering with music and dancing. I’m dancing having huge fun and feel very young. I leave the dance and I’m at a school that feels like college, yet I’m only 8 years old, as are many of the other students. I’m racing across the grounds with some friends to a class on the second floor of building. We get upstairs late and take the time to carefully unlace our boots. Go into class that has already begun, led by a white-bearded man who welcomes us warmly. The classroom is an old room, and it flows into vast pastoral scenes of woods and meadows and rivers. The man is telling us “Enjoy, take in every moment, with every sense. And there is something else that is quite important. Does anyone have a sense of what that might be?” I respond, “I do” and he acknowledges me. As I get a couple words out, other students begin to interrupt and even argue with me. My 4 year old girl (I am a four year old girl in another dream, solid grounded powerful relational) comes up strongly in me. I’m not angry, just solid and grounded and say to the students “I just ask that you allow me to finish what I say, and then I will be quiet.” They stop talking, and I say “Diligence. Whatever it is that I take in in the now, take it in a hundred times, a thousand times, and see and feel all the various aspects.” The man is smiling at me and nodding his head.
“What are the Four Truths?” The master replied, “There is only one [insert your name here] so where would the other three be?”
poem – Zenho
Seeing a turtle atop a fence post
Wondering how long they held their breath
To bury the fence post beneath
The surface of the pond
And where the hickory had grown
And what was the name of the horse
That carried post and diver
And how hot was the sun
And
AIIIEEEEEE cannonball with shell held gently against bare belly SPLASH
Continuing our blog this week with reflections of our sangha members whom are engaged in exploring the journey of Tokudo. Today we are presenting the photographs of David D’Agostino and the written reflections of Kurt Jokai Wulfekuhler.
Here are David’s photos:
David is having an opening reception for his art show:
Here is Jokai’s reflection:
My dad was the editor and publisher of a small town newspaper. Of course, I have a trove of memories, positive and negative, of my dad, who I love dearly.
One positive memory: every Saturday night my dad could be seen at his desk in our house preparing his Sunday School lesson. He taught the Men’s Sunday School class for over 30 years.
Another positive memory: when I was younger, the newspaper was in the middle of the downtown area of our small town. My dad’s office was in the middle of the building with glass sliding windows on either side. The windows were always open, as was his door. I frequently went to the newspaper to see my dad. His office had visitors from all walks of life: bankers, the city mayor, the town drunk. He was the editor and publisher; I saw him as the town Counselor.
One not pleasant memory: my dad and I were in a car together; he was driving; we were delayed by road construction. My dad yelled at a construction worker; he yelled back. My dad got out of the car and yelled at the man, “Don’t you know who I am?”
Sensei Zendo spoke this morning at breakfast about Guy (Gee). Sensei spoke of Guy reaching out to him in a time of need; Zendo’s 8 year old self was not up to the request and pulled away.
This triggered a memory for me: I had a really good friend when I was in college. Several times after lunch I saw him off to himself reading a letter of some sort. One time, for some reason, I grabbed the letter out of his hand; it was a letter from his Dad who had died a few years before. My friend never forgave me.
Another series of memories: arguments with my ex-wife; arguments predictably ending with, “It’s not always about you!”
Solstice – the Earth turning in its orbit, so that the northern hemisphere once again comes closer and closer to the Sun. Light seemingly expanding. The northern hemisphere more intimate with the sun.
Christmas – a recognition of a new birth, birthing us anew, beginning of a burgeoning life, our slates are clean, the revealed intimacy of Mother-Child..
Tokudo – certainly embraces the returning of light, burgeoning life with our slates wiped clean. And there is something more in Tokudo. What is it? What is it? Tokudo has been a ceremony marking some transition within an individual’s life. A life that was traditionally centered upon monastic practice-life. Waking together, sitting together, eating together, growing food together, chopping wood for heat together, harvesting together, cleaning bodies and clothes together, digging latrines together, composting together, sleeping in the dorm together, dreaming in the dorm together. We are now engaged in the process of bringing Tokudo into our ordinary lay lives. In truth, compared to our ancestors, we do so little together. Can we transplant Tokudo from monastic practice to lay practice? How will Tokudo shape us? How will we shape Tokudo? So that this ceremony will bring us into the intimacy of lives together. If we fail to find this intimacy, I am afraid that our Tokudo will be a rather meaningless ceremony. There are six members of the Sangha who have begun this intimate process of Tokudo. As a first step in promoting our intimacy, we have asked each to provide something that shares, demonstrates, where they are in the Tokudo unfolding right now. From time to time, each will be asked to share further, revealing how the process is manifesting within, and without. Our hope is that this will guide us into the development of an authentic Tokudo of deep meaning and intimacy. Below you will find some of the initial offerings.
From Molly Myoka Black – a quilt emerging within Tokudo
The following from Vic Huohua Nuhuo Elder
When Tom asked me to write about Tokudo, I groaned. I think the written word in reference to Zen or anything similar, is bloated ad-nausea. For a “transmission written outside of scriptures,” there are over 44 million books written by tiresome amateurs feeling the most rudimentary of basic experiences and then writing about the “path”. Tokudo is about living in a painstakingly cultivated goalless spontaneity which benefits existence. Its deeply intimate, personal and unique regardless of how common the form being practiced is. So, if you are reading this, it is my sincerest hope that you stop and go feed someone, grow something, sit, or twiddle your thumbs with vigor and enthusiasm. It would be a more intimate experience then what is offered here. If you do continue, please read the rest with the awareness that you have my deepest condolences for the loss of your time.
I took the precepts in August. It is an expression of my commitment to Zenho and his ability to be a living example of wholeness forged in the crucible of his life. As I I have grown to love Zenho, (Who wouldn’t?), It’s really the formless depth of his practice, which lives timelessly beyond liturgy, dreams, or even sitting, that had me ask to take the precepts. Sure, there is the Rakusu, The Dharma Name, and the ritual but really, what is being conveyed? The precepts are something I think I will spend the rest of my life receiving. They are a mystery, veiled in the allegory of morality, demonstrated with the living symbol of what is best in all of us.
The journey with the precepts, Jukai or Tokudo, is insanely personal. Tokudo strikes me as a deep vow of action, submission and intimacy. A commitment to expressing the best of our shared existence thru a specific way of living that is unique to each of us, but doing our best to make it as unconditional as possible. Each day the earth orbits the sun the absolute best it can because everything on earth is relying on it to. Zenho is there at the zendo no matter who shows up because we are relying on him to. Of course, we all work within the limits of our abilities, talents, strengths, endurance and humanity. We do our best. To me Tokudo is about doing our best to create the quality of practice someone else can rely on. This should be very tangible, subtle, and clear. The symbols I respect most are sweat, time, blood, effort and money because these are our most valuable resources we all share sparingly and with only a trusted few.
The primary benefit of Tokudo isn’t just for how we live but has the inadvertent consequence of being for the benefit of all matter, energy, space, time and beings. “Well isn’t that what all practice is supposed to be?” The idea is a beautiful and idealistic notion, but Tokudo, is about staking your very livelihood on the quality of your “zen” practice. This goes back to the very Buddha himself as well as Indian, Chinese, and Japanese Ancestors. Ideals, rhetoric, and flowery speech do little in the realms of poverty and the necessities of nature. The orbit of sweat, time and effort speak much louder than anything I can write. Zenho once told me about listening to his son share his work with cars. He said, “Listening to him talk about his relationship with cars was better than any Buddhist dharma talk he has heard in years.” I have grown to trust the quality of Zenho’s practice. While point of view is a part of that, its an all inclusive deal. I trust Zenho because of how he lives, how he he relates with his vows.
I see Tokudo performing two functions. First, its a social contract which drastically changes the way you relate with life. Your practice isn’t yours. This was the cultural implication that dates back to Buddha. To receive what is placed in your offering bowl and nothing more. To place your intent with the precepts and receive. I also recognize that zen is in a place of transition. The transmission from east to west. One of the deepest questions that I contemplate is in regards to the depth and quality of that transmission. What is the continuity of that transmission?
I have came across many teachers who expressed it in many ways. Where is the line between what the Buddha transmitted at its core and what are just unique personal choices? Zen isn’t any old thing someone does because they are doing it in a focused and precise manner and smell like patchouli and incense. Tokudo changes the quality of discipline, care and effort you put into your practice because other people will come to rely on it in hopefully some meaningful way. Being stated, this also changes how people see you. They see the costume, the robe, the bald head. People will change how they treat you, especially if they didn’t know you pre-Tokudo. Its primarily social contract, to live in a manner which embodies intimacy and most importantly, the precepts.
I think the second function of Tokudo is a container for our life and effort. Daido broke down living into 8 different contexts of our modern culture which represent different kinds of ways of being intimate with life. This brings me back to the line between personalizing a unique practice vs the quality of a complete transmission, what is it? There is a quality of variety, focus, and support that a monastery offers monks who take Tokudo. Modern society doesn’t necessarily support these notions, especially in this particular time and space. I think Daido’s 8 Gates of Zen confirms my own experience of living in a monastery for a year. Monastic life is broken into
Zazen
Face to face interview with a teachers
Liturgy practice
Academic Study
Precepts Study
Art Practice
Body practice
Work Practice
Dream Practice
Daido’s framework leaves a lot of room to make these choices deeply personal. I think its the contexts that matter. No amount of academic study will balance an unhealthy body. No amount of Zazen will replace face to face interview. Etc. In my basic understanding, each context must be practiced for a wholeness. 80 to 90% of monastic experience is quiet, varied, labor, which brings a joy and balance I couldn’t possibly describe. Its the labor and the work that is truly the gift we receive.
Varied conditioning of absorbed awareness(samadhi) is the precondition for the art and flowery rhetoric to unveil itself in a way which creates permanent significant growth. A joke so funny, after you finish being the punchline, you want to participate in the setup for others. The koan’s, poems and memories that truly changed how I live day to day will never be forgotten. It wasn’t the art it self, it was how I grew. On the other hand, absorbed awareness also will bring all the karma and shit we need to confront. I don’t see samadhi as the enlightenment. Its the precondition of nirvana. The quality of what breaks that samadhi is what constitutes the difference between nirvana and samsara. Yes, they are not separate. Existence will also offer a myriad of variety especially in perceived context. The hype about context and conditioning is really about the unknown needs we have. People look at absorbed awareness in one context and can let that become a new form of ego. When that absorbed awareness is put into conflict with a context the person is not used to, that one gateway of absorbed awareness becomes null and void and cultural love goes out the window, replaced with honest release of things people would rather not confront or be aware of. The 8 gates are designed to condition absorbed awareness from the variety of life so oneness and absorbed awareness can expose things about ourselves in ways we never thought possible. By consequence, these newly confronted things become new varietals of life which shape the very essence of our form and how we relate with existence.
Just because form is empty doesn’t mean it should be neglected as not important. The depth of how well you cultivate subtlety in movement within nature are the very means and foundations with which how the precepts unveil themselves. In art, medicine, body practice, the fundamentals must be conditioned to a thoughtless place of “Just doing.” Once the form is doing itself, this is where the letting go happens in a skill. Forcing yourself to let go of something is to deny what the precepts are offering you. Skillful means taught in their proper context by a qualified teacher lead to the stillness-movement that occurs. Samadhi on a zen cushion is only the first step. Taking it off the cushion is a whole new deal. These 8 gates offer a frame work so that oneness that everyone preaches about can become a movement and an element for it to teach itself. I tend to ignore preaching about oneness because oneness preaches about itself in way more interesting places. Standing on a pulpit in a costume or reading this nonsense you are reading now isn’t where I prefer to receive instruction on oneness.
The most important thing Zenho has taught me, is that “Zen” teaches itself when its offered and received. The teaching I think we go to is how Zenho is practicing his Tokudo vow daily. On the surface its shaving his head for us, wearing silly robes and , lord ,the level of bullshit this poor man has to listen to. He says he loves it. I think he is wearing an iron collar of all beings. There is no direct recipe and trying to follow some form that teacher said. It won’t work. Teaching people how to forge their own relationship with the depth of their own existence, is a quality that is lacking in almost all teachers I have come across. It forces the deepest of intimacy, vulnerability and trust, or it doesn’t take.
This brings me to my deepest obstacle to taking Tokudo without a monastery in an Unorthodox way, IE without the support of a monastery. Monks aren’t transient beggars in our culture and thus wouldn’t make sense. I am not above it. I would probably do it if it was in our culture. I haven’t found peace in a home or a vocation. With as many gifts as I have received, I still find myself in the throws of modern society and our toxicity. I have earned six figure salaries in two different forms of work. I even enjoy both of them to some extent. From the Sutras, Buddha stated some simple elements about a vocation that should be embodied. It should be honest, energetic, and skillful. A difficult combination for me that has alluded me. The forms of work I have cultivated are not that. There isn’t a situation I can see that doesn’t put me 10 to 14 hours a day in a toxic environment which doesn’t support practice in that manner I have spoken about above. This is of course failing of my own practice and karma. Without having my livelihood, home and vocation in order, Taking Tokudo during my off time and the weekends seems as a lay practitioner committed to his family. I am committed to not having children. Without a monastery it strikes me as difficult.
I have a list of all sorts of things I could do that have nothing to do with working as a monastic that I could adopt in a monastic way? I am deeply afraid that these things will suck up my time and Ill just end up a weekend monk, demonstrating liturgy, because I am too exhausted from working and taking care of “the real thing I have to do”. Our culture requires a full commitment of our time to providing in an honest, skillful and energetic way. This begs many questions for me, Is Tokudo about trusting that spark to bring what isn’t being thought about? Is the quality of our current practice connected to the quality of the offers we will receive from the precepts? Did Buddha’s middle way have a point about society and culture?
Here is the remarkable thing about the story of the Buddha. Here is a person who came from the most powerful people of their culture with deep pockets and influence. He left it all after seeing sick, old and dying people, became a yogi and ascetic, then said “None of this makes any sense, just gonna chill under this tree”. After 7 years of sitting under a tree, his version of “The Middle Way” was to live with only a bowl, a robe and a staff and walk the earth sharing the vibe, like Quai Chang Kane in Kung Fu. “Middle way” indeed.
I am unsure as to how to finish this particular note. After reading most of this thru, I find myself still dubious about writing this nonsense. The questions stand. What are the lines of continuity between a complete transmission and what is just unique intimacy personalized? What contexts should be pushed to their limits and what passes should we write ourselves because “Oh I don’t need that, I’m perfect already. Buddha said so.” The monastic traditions of most eastern cultures are vigorous, focused and disciplined regardless of traditions or people. Do we get to disregard what monastics have passed down for 80 generations because monastics are grossly flawed, especially about sex? Do teachers have to resort to manipulation to substitute for discipline and honesty? Oddly enough, I’m pretty sure the precepts answer all of of my questions, especially my unspoken ones about mysticism, and a bunch of other things. I have more questions but really, I have indulged this finger twiddling across my keyboard enough.
From Travis Ensai/Ensei Black, self-portrait in Tokudo
The following from Russell Mugen Milazzo:
Tokudo
When I ask myself, “how do I feel in the midst of Tokudo” I often find myself becoming entangled in Buddha’s thicket of views. Many thoughts and much philosophizing arise and I become aware of trying to encapsulate Tokudo in “how much” and “what” I understand, how much advancement I’ve made or what magnitude of profundity I can comprehend. I am often figuratively trying to put it in a box with a neat bow on it. I strive to feel like I’m accomplishing something and my mind runs in circles seeking ways to validate what I’m doing. A line from Keizan’s poem has come back to me several times when I catch myself mid-thicket, “sweep as you will, you cannot empty the mind.”
At times, this period of Tokudo also feels like an internally tumultuous emotional challenge. In the time leading up to and during Jukai, I remember feeling anger and frustration often and their arising needing my attention. Now my sense is that I’m aware of things underneath the anger and much of it is difficult to be with. I’m finding deep sadness and fear. Fear of being rejected by those around me and an inability to be vulnerable with them lest they hurt me. Sadness with how much I want to be needed and need the people around me. And the anger is still there too, a reflection of these deeper feelings having no outlet. My most heartfelt desire is to now practice extending these places within myself compassion and acknowledge their part in me and that they’ve done their best to protect me up until now. I also hope that I can extend this compassion to all of you, who do so much on your own that I don’t get to see amidst your own struggles.
All of these feelings emerge alongside doubt and questions of whether I making anything better through this practice and whether there is any resolution to these things in Zen. However, I am grateful for a new sense of faith in the process of practice that is also making itself known. When these questions arise, I take comfort in the mere possibility of being aware of them and being with them. Several years ago, I think these doubts would have been too painful and defeating for me to face. I am beginning to see that, for me, Tokudo is not just what I do for and at the Zendo or what I do on the cushion. It is what arises every moment in me and how this compartmentalized me that is suffering doesn’t have to be shut away and ignored while some other part of me tries to revel in the Absolute and pretend like that’s It.
Tokudo is churning the earth and letting things emerge.
SCHEDULE 12-12-22 thru 12-18-22
MONDAY, 6:30AM, ZAZEN AT TEA HOUSE, DAVID OPENING; Breakfast at Flying Star to follow
The Winter Solstice is Wednesday, December 21st this year.
The longest night of the year. Light a candle or two.
The late Stone Age, roughly 10,200 BC is estimated to be the earliest period that humans recognized the Winter Solstice. Monuments such as Stonehenge, in England, Newgate, in Ireland and Maeshowe, in Scotland are aligned with the Winter Solstice sunrise. It was then and is still, an event of mysterious significance.
For many years, when I lived in the icy-cold, dark forests and hillocks of Northern New Hampshire, I fervently anticipated the Winter Solstice. The sun would (some days) come up over Mason Hill around 10 and by 3 in the afternoon Pumpkin Hill was already casting long, cold shadows across the cabin yard and studio. I dreaded Winter’s frigid cold and the seemingly endless dim days and the solstice was the harbinger of hope. The celestial certainty of Earth’s wisdom; unrefutable seasonal change. A new season, albeit winter, but from the Solstice on, the days would begin to lengthen. The slow, but assured, steady increase of the light of the Sun!
The Solstice is a cairn-in-time that marks a turning point. So many of the processes of constant of change; rejuvenation, fresh understanding, beginnings, and renewed commitments, are born from the darkest times, the deepest velvet of no-light, inky, mysterious and dreamlike. The Solstice was then and still is, a time of rejuvenation.
The Sandokai states: “Within light there is darkness, but do not try to understand that darkness; within darkness there is light, but do not look for that light.” What stands out is the lookingfor. Looking seems to refer to seeking, grasping for it. We need not lookfor it. Yet we do experience darkness and light, we feel it and know it’s there. It’s an awareness of that light, an awareness of that darkness, reaching for neither but dwelling in both simultaneously. Noticing, cognizant and filled with it. Perhaps the Winter Solstice is an auspicious time to be holding our awareness of this; no-light-no-darkness.
Tokudo (Jap., ‘attainment of going beyond’). The ceremony in Zen Buddhism through which a layperson is initiated into Buddhism, or a monk is ordained. (From the Oxford Concise Encyclopedia of World Religions).
I am not sure about the translation offered above, as there is no attainment here. And really, every moment, for every being, is going beyond going beyond. And being smack dab right here, right now.
So what is this Tokudo? Well, we do offer fun, free, cheap haircuts (not so cheap, perhaps, as we may lose our identity). There can be robes, and magic wands, and incantations. Although I am sure I will never carry the robes nor the wand like Hermione. And her incantations are beyond me. There is no possibility for me, no need, to measure up to Hermione Bodhisattva. I am Zenho Bodhisattva – and truly happy that there is no need to measure up to Hermione, or Sujata, or Shakyamuni, or… My simple path is mine.
This is really a process, a path. Never-ending. Never-beginning. And yet clearly a path. Very clearly a path. Watch that next step! Better yet, simply take that next step. For all Beings? Of course. Every step, by every being, is always for all Beings. If we do not see the Path, we do not see it even as we walk on it. No use calling it near or far. Going beyond near and far. For myself or for others. Going beyond self and other.
Several members of the Sangha are engaging Tokudo. I am most interested in what the process looks like, feels like, sounds like, tastes like, is, for each of them. Therefore, I’ve asked these members of our Sangha to present what Tokudo is for them now. And they will be asked to present from time to time as the process unfolds.
We will post the first installment next week. Enjoy!!!
Tokudo (Jap., ‘attainment of going beyond’). The ceremony in Zen Buddhism through which a layperson is initiated into Buddhism, or a monk is ordained. (From the Oxford Concise Encyclopedia of World Religions).
I am not sure about the translation offered above, as there is no attainment here. And really, every moment, for every being, is going beyond going beyond. And being smack dab right here, right now.
So what is this Tokudo? Well, we do offer fun, free, cheap haircuts (not so cheap, perhaps, as we may lose our identity). There can be robes, and magic wands, and incantations. Although I am sure I will never carry the robes nor the wand like Hermione. And her incantations are beyond me. There is no possibility for me, no need, to measure up to Hermione Bodhisattva. I am Zenho Bodhisattva – and truly happy that there is no need to measure up to Hermione, or Sujata, or Shakyamuni, or… My simple path is mine.
This is really a process, a path. Never-ending. Never-beginning. And yet clearly a path. Very clearly a path. Watch that next step! Better yet, simply take that next step. For all Beings? Of course. Every step, by every being, is always for all Beings. If we do not see the Path, we do not see it even as we walk on it. No use calling it near or far. Going beyond near and far. For myself or for others. Going beyond self and other.
Several members of the Sangha are engaging Tokudo. I am most interested in what the process looks like, feels like, sounds like, tastes like, is, for each of them. Therefore, I’ve asked these members of our Sangha to present what Tokudo is for them now. And they will be asked to present from time to time as the process unfolds.
We will post the first installment next week. Enjoy!!!
It is such a wonderful Bodhi Week! Sitting zazen, mini-sesshin, together and engaging in service makes Rohatsu time special. For those who have not been able to attend in person we hold you in our hearts and your presence is palpable in the zendo among us. We still have a few more days until Bodhi Day on Thursday and we wish you a peaceful and enjoyable time of zazen practice in all forms for the rest of the week.
It’s an auspicious week to sit as much as you can, and please join at the tea house, when you can. Deep Peace & Great Love ~Issan & Zenho
No Gate Zen Center 